WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We're too hungover to prance.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
