you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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