the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
