I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize