my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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