So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My vagina is officially offended.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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