The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
