Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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