dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
