She is in my trunk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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