I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
