So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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