The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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