Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
