party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
