I could make wine with my vomit
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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