dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
