Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
