I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
