omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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