Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
