I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
