Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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