real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
