Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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