covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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