I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
