I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
