You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
