Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
