The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
