He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
