I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
