so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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