I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
