Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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