My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She bit a glass in half.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
