You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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