sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
