Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
