Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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