I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
