drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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