There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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