I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Damn victory sex feels great
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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