Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
