the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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