ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I will die if light touches me.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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