Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
