tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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