Define "chronic" masturbator.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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