After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm passing your future prison.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
