I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
