It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
