And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
