Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
