11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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