So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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