U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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