All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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