Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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