He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
People with herpes should wear stickers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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