I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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