I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
