If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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