the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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