So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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