apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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